Tuesday, October 11, 2005

The Crooked Villians (CV)

Villian 1 : The Me

My recommendation letter from the evil boss came out today. It goes like "Simon rocks but I'm a pathological liar." So it's ready for me to attach to my CV.

As most would know I'm hitting at Internet companies first before I apply for something that's related to what I do. Bold move ? Well, yes. Here are things I've been considering for a new job :

1. Will I get to wear nice clothes ?

2. Can I wear funky ties daily ?

3. Do I get a pencil sharpener ?

Very crucial yet often overlooked criterias when we look for work.

Is there a dress code where you work ? I say be a rebel and wear the things you want. Do not let bureaucracy turn you into a fashion victim. It's just not worth it. It's not how you get there, it's what you wear there. Remember, dress like the position you want.

Villian 2 : The Me Again

In other news I am headed for Bangkok next week with the family, our last vacation before my sis leaves us. Can I rephrase ? Our last vacation before my sis moves out of her room. Rephrase. Our last vacation before I takeover her room and make it acoustically sound for my DJ friends to hangout and pat me on the head to tell me how cool and accepted I am. The end of peer pressure ! No more crying myself to sleep on whether I said "spread the lurrvvee" in the right tone today. Or whether they saw through me when I didn't know how to setup speakers. Maybe they found out I have no idea what car body kits are.

Villian 3 : The Cat & The Ex Lover

So Bangkok it is next weekend. The cat needs a home to stay. If anyone has a cage to rent, please let me know. An alternative was brought up today :

Colleague : "You go The Curve got the cat hotel there."

Me : "Huh ?"

Colleague : "Cat hotel. Cat stay. You pay. Cat hotel."

Me : "You mean cats only or animal hotel ?"

Colleague : "It's 5 star with cable."

No, cat hotels are expensive. Yet we can't trust the cat anywhere because she'll venture off. What is it with cats and being unloyal ? A connection between my ex and her liking cats, both of them turning out to be evil and exploitive (is there such a word ?).

Villian 4 : The Cheryl

She wants Minus One versions of Elton John's "Can You Feel The Lurrvee Tonight" and The Tokens' "The Lion Sleeps Tonight."

Why ?

I don't want to know.

All I know anyone who tempers with songs like that are up to no good.

Could've sworn if you inverse Elton John's vocals you'll hear "Can you feel the evil burning within you tonight, kill kill kill blood blood meat kill humans must not resist."

In that case, we got it mixed up and Metallica's a boyband.

Villian 5 : The Sarah

Wants me to help her crossfade music for Halloween party at college.

Forcing me with her curvacious figure to play pop music at a college function. For a college in Subang.

Complaints I'm a sellout but creates an outlet for me to channel my sellout-ness.

Evil is beauty. Beauty is evil.

Villian 6 : Simon Punk'd By Doofus

Doofus returns from overseas after many years since secondary school and shows up at Simon's gate.

Simon takes Doofus for a meal.

Time to pay.

Doofus : "How much ?"

Me : "Don't be an idiot. Let me buy ! We haven't met for ages."

Boss : "Make up your mind, who's paying for the overpriced grub I serve at this restaurant ?"

Doofus : "How much ?"

Me : "I insist !"

Doofus : "No .. don't you Simon. Don't bother. Please. I got it. I got this covered."

Me : "Sigh ... buy you the next one OK ?"

Boss : "As long as you guys pay and keep my fat wife and imported workers happy."

Me : "Well whatever .... if you insist."

Doofus : :)

Doofus : "Boss, how much .. ?"

Doofus : "For mine only."

Me : Top 10 Dumbfounded Moments

Me : *waits for Ashton Kutcher to come out screaming*

Me : *no cameras*

Me : *no Ashton Kutcher*

Me : *pays for my own meal*

Me : *no more hangin out with Doofus*

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