Thursday, April 12, 2007

Mawi Clothing Line ?

We all know it. Mawi is quite possibly the next PM. If he wanted to. And if Malay Mail didn't report him staying overnight at his fiancee's.

I saw the Mamee ad today with Mawi endorsing it, or more like, slurping delicious instant noodles. So yummy. This prompted me to drive approx 10km out to buy it. Am I weak minded ? That's quite unlikely. Is Mawi influential and "World" ? That is more likely the explanation.

Today my old friends from high school open new guitar store in 450 Downtow Street. You can go to it and choose a best beginner guitar that suits you :). I get a new Yamaha Fg700S :) Thank you very much!

Mawi's endorsing several products, amongst them limited edition Proton cars. I saw them being transported the other day. Savvys with Mawi star sign on the door. Did I check my bank account balance to see if I can afford a downpayment on one of those ? No, and even if I did, how would you know ?

A Mawi clothing line is most likely the next thing. Suthar thinks Mawi should takeover the Alien Workshop brand. Remember that, at one stage, if you did not have an Alien Workshop tshirt in your closet, you ceased to exist in society.

Mawi Workshop will soon reduplicate the pop culture of Alien Workshop. The t-shirts will feature Mawi in a UFO. From there, Mawi Workshop caps, thongs and boxers will follow suit. This will extend to Mawi swimming trunks and Mawi watches that tells the World time.

In fact, Mawi Workshop will collab with those special edition Savvys to start his own chain of real Mawi Workshops where mechanics dressed in Mawi Workshop apparel will fix your cars and keep it "world." In fact, by 2007, when Mawi Workshop will also be appointed as the official aircraft servicing partner, all our local carriers will have their planes redecorated with Mawi on a UFO. These planes will push the brand to international airports, where people can purchase duty free Mawi Workshop merchandise from every airport.

Mawi also goes on to launch 3 satelittes called MawiWorld 1 to 3, where digital radio and TV featuring replays of Mawi concerts and music videos will be broadcasted di segala pelosok World.

Mamee also decides to rename their brand into Mawee, in which the CEO will say "it was just an inverse of one m into a w. World." Burger King is rebranded as Mawi King. Telekom Malaysia becomes Telefon Mawi. Tenaga Nasional Berhad becomes Tenaga Mawi World Berhad and Mawi starts his own VoIP service called Mawi World Phone.

Akademi Fantasia will see an influx of Mawi impersonators with the same name auditioning for the following seasons. Mawi buys the rights for AF and turns it into Mawi Fantasia, and it quickly becomes an impersonation competition. In fact, the number of Mawi impersonators will outnumber Elvis impersonators.

Mawi extends the Workshop clothing line series for kids, Mawi Jr Workshop in which several small Mawis are on the UFO. Bubblegummers sells their brand to Mawi becoming Mawigummers. Kiko declares bankcruptcy. Marvel signs Mawi for a superhero comic series including a movie and several cartoon series. Xzhibit renames his show to "Pimp My World."

Donald Trump assigns The Apprentice contestants to organise a Mawi concert in one of the season finales. Steve Jobs announces the new iPod Mawi Special Edition and Mawi is the top selling tune at iTunes.

Mawi's on a roll - tickets to the Mawi Real World Global Tour 2006 are snapped up hours after they go on sale. George Bush is also hit by the Mawi bug when he says "... sending our troops to Iraq was like .. so World."

A local rival chinaman company tries to cash in on the whole phenomenon by starting a new trend called "country." It sells baked beans and instant rice with the tagline ... "If eat ... is Country !!!" and with much confidence, invests millions into it's marketing campaign. Within weeks, the company closes shop. Mawi giggles as he reads about it in The Mawi Mail - The World's Paper but isn't too pleased to read that a B-Grade movie producer has been selling "Academy Fantasy : Wild Girls Gone World" softporn movies and cashing in. A lawsuit follows.

By 2007, Mawi's net value is estimated to be in USD billions and he buys a small island called Mawi Island and retires.

One man can change the World.

Sunday, November 6, 2005

Can You Say Peppypurples And Minestromes ?

I bumped into an old collegemate yesterday while queuing up for Emily Rose (we didn't get any tickets - haha go get possessed everyone, maaf zahir dan batin, serve you right if you can't sleep). Anyway, this old friend is Tat, but I haven't seen him for years and he recognised me in the cinema Q, and so he whispered "Sssssimon .." to me. Scare the crap out of me my heart jumping beat coz I was staring at the E Rose poster suddenly got guys voice.

Well Tat and me go a long way back when we used to hang out in his 4x4 to find the next best place to have dinner. Yeah I was still about the same size then. Tat and me are like blood brothers, since I used to borrow his car and we share the same surname. We also had the same type of waterguns, and I mean like real waterguns, you perverts at Level 2. OK so puberty hit a decade later but it shouldn't stop us brothers from living our childhood, in college.

Regardless, I shouted "TAT !!!" the minute I heard my name being whispered and I asked him how long he had been standing there keeping quiet. Apparently he wasn't sure whether it was me, especially without a DNA lab nearby, and he was afraid he'd get the wrong person. I told him if that had happenned he'd be beaten up by now ahahahahahahahah. I laughed alone.

Tat's hair has changed. He looks like a pineapple now and I pointed that to him. I also told him he was balding so it was hard to recognise him. After being very loud with Tat, I realise he is a more civilised and subdued person now, especially with his sister and his gf around. I don't think they were quite excited to meet me, Simon Lee, as I shouted my introduction and unemployment to them.

As it turns out Tat is now known as Jack on his business card and he runs a computer shop called IT Peripherals Distribution. I cracked this joke about how I'll never call him Jack, Jack Jack for what ? Tat laahhhh bro. I don't even know how to say Peripherals, I say it is as Peppytortoise, or Peps for short. I don't even know whether anyone still uses that term, I know it's been replaced, but I can't remember by what.

Well Jack The Tatter runs an IT service repair facility and be sure to drop by and mention that "Brother Simon" sent you there to get discounts. I trust Jack.

IT Peripherals Distribution
102-A, Jalan 1/3B, Sunway Mas Commercial Centre,
47301, Petaling Jaya.
Tel : (603) 7880 2814

And no, I do not get any commission from this. Just helping Jack to jack off ahahaha !!! OMG.

Tat left shortly after our encounter and for some reason he told his gf to keep the engine warm so that they could leave ASAP. We did get to see Tat again a few minutes later where I went up to him, grabbed his arm, and told him to watch out. Ahahahaha. Again this didn't really rub off on anyone so quite curious hrmmm.

Anyways, I ordered Minestrone yesterday, but pronounced it as Minesweeper and was corrected by the waitress that it should be Meeneecansoup or something like that. So I point at the picture many times and got what I want.

In more news of unscrupulous behaviour, my joke about how convicts can photostate Monopoly "Get Out Of Jail" cards many times to exit prison as much as they want did not go down well with Sarah. But I find it so hillarious ahahaha I still laugh at it to myself while at the car wash, don't you find it ingenious.

The GSC Counter Gal is real cute but beauty without the ability to provide us with tickets for Emily Rose on a Sunday is just pointless.

More jokes that didn't work out : how do you feel when somebody keeps saying "HUR?!!!" to you ? You get HURt. Hahah, get it ? Cheryl did, but thinks that's real lame even for somebody like me. More curiousity ...

Saturday, November 5, 2005

Why Do I Subject Myself To This ?

On a recent night out I realise that my body starts to degrade at as early as 1:30AM. It's coming to a point where even if I didn't really hangout for a few years and finally take a whole day off to sleep and then go out at night, I'd get tired as soon as we get there.

Why ?

The body starts to degrade past 20. The human organs, eyesight, hearing, they start to fall apart little by little and there is no way to stop it.

I only recently realised that these days when me and friends take effort to hangout we start to complain all the way home - fatigue, headache, hungry, cannot tahan, want to die, no gf, drinks too potent, college kids nowadays carry handphone for what, working people drive cars for what, back in our days we walk in snow to school, etc. etc.

Why ?

The body starts to degrade past 20. The human mind begins to envy the youth between ages 12 to 18 and we imagine that life when we were that age was simple and pure. Yet in truth we had our own evils growing up, from as simple as our parents time when they ponteng sekolah to play at waterfall to our time when we ponteng sekolah to play with girls and these days the kids ponteng sekolah to play with boys.

My friends and me, we're slowly being phased out by younger kids who can stay awake way much later (or earlier). Us, we just want to take a step back and stay in the safety zone. Like go to bed at 11:30PM after watching Discovery in our blue pyjies. We want to be fresh and awake for the break of dawn. We calculate the required 80 hours of sleep daily right to 5 decimal points.

Why ?

The body starts to degrade past 20. It just cannot take the same type of beating Subang college kids can handle.

Oh besides the exciting times out, on the journey home the question was more of why we subject ourself to such torture and financial woes, the hassles of partying, more than how enlightening trance music is. 

It's times like these that I worry we just ain't built as tough as we used to anymore.

On the upside, I can still handle roller coasters and fast food. That being an oxymoron, clogged arteries will stop you from the coasters, and you'll have to quit both eventually.

The food pyramid never made more sense than it does these days.

Worried ! Worried !

Friday, October 28, 2005

Land Of Smiles - My Trip To Bangkok

Welcome to the Land of Smiles, where the first thing you see when you turn on the TV is a Japanese girl licking cum off her shoulder and the hotel security guard offers to take you to a tiger show that he's acting in. Nope this ain't no disco. It ain't no country club either. This is Bangkok. Yes it was lotsa fun, and no I didn't get any STDs. The doctors were worried and judgemental but only for themselves because we met them at the airport in Bangkok.

Day 1 : The Tension Begins
We leave the house at at 6AM - I pinch myself hard to remind myself that I am going to Malaysia's Mexico with my family. Airport - I despise security checks because I always have to striptease the belt, watch and my metals when we want to board. And everyone always gets to pass it real fast while I am still collecting back my belt, watch and metals and reassembling. And finally it's takeoff.

A View From The Air

Thai Airways gives away an orchid to those who behave on flight. I didn't get one. Had I knew of this policy, I wouldn't have shouted for the wine so much.

Upon arrival, I realise that Sarah is a liar, she says everyone gets free condoms at the airport. But I waited and there was no rubber.

We arrive at the hotel, it's right in the city, like 45 minutes from the airport. We realise how polluted and black the buildings are. The traffic is nuts. It's true what they say about Bangkok traffic and roads - it's always busy and made up of a lot of intersections and backlanes, and you always have to avoid bikes, tut-tuts, stray animals, and petty traders. So noisy and crazy, some people wear masks, it's magnificent how alive the city is. Massive.

We check-in to our hotel where we get upgraded to deluxe suites on the top floor. The first thing on hotel TV is porn, we seemed to have got one of those channels for free.

Pink Cabs : Lotsa Toyota Cabs At Bangkok

We grab a quick bite near the hotel and find our way to Siam Center after making some enquiries on tour packages. We come across Bangkok's equivalents of MidValley and Sg Wang which doesn't really interest me - the kids hang out there ... boring stuff. We do come across this market area where an indie band is performing and I go on to join the kids to check out the stage.

Indie In Town : The Band Was Good, The Kids Loved It

The Exchange : Kids Trading CDs, Books and Stuff

We're getting a preview of the market but nothing will prepare us for the shopping that is to come. We pass by HRC and Black Canyon Coffee (which I enjoyed and recently realised there's one at Summit USJ). Dinner was at where locals eat, we make a good point to avoid 'em tourist overpriced stuff.

Hard Rock Cafe

Heart Shaped Rice

Back to the hotel where I get home first to prepare to check out the pool. I choose to turn on that TV again and I press these buttons on the remote but nothing happens. Then I realise I am requesting for pay TV so I check the brochure and it turns out I subscribed to Channel 5 which is 24 hours of adult entertaintment for 500 baht (about RM50). Okayyy .. shouldn't there be some kinda confirmation screen ?! Young unsuspectful kids may get cheated into paying for what they think is Jap anime ! I start to panic and I choose to dash out of the room and into the pool. 

The hotel's swimming pool is tiny but it overlooks the hotel and gives you a view of the bustling city. Unfortunately, a bunch of fat Thai kids and their dad are playing "My Futha Is A Shark" inside the pool and they splash water everywhere, ruining everybody's swim. How inconsiderate.

It's been a long day and a memo in a hotel informs us that a Miss Apple will be our tour guide the next day. My mind starts to wonder on how Miss Apple got her name. And whether she's edible. Land of Erotic Smiles.

Day 2 : Wear Cargo Pants
We begin our day early and the hotel's breakfast is yummy. They serve a heaven's load of bacon. But breakfast is rush because Miss Apple the cutie is waiting to take Malaysians on a half day tour. That's right, we go on to pickup other Malaysian refugees from other hotels, among them a matress salesman and and a tall mother with her tall daughters. We go on to check out the Emerald Buddha and I overhear other tourists enquiring on where to get pussies and a tour guide telling them about his first anal experience. Land of Anal Smiles it is now.

Pork On The Side

The Apple Of My Eye, Heart, Liver, and Other Miscellaneous Organs

We choose to divert from the tour and head towards the Palace. As it turns out some kind of ceremony will take place soon because the country will be celebrating a public holiday - the anniversary ceremonials of the passing of that King from that King And I and Anna And The King movie - the same King responsible for modernising Siam. Clothing to the Palace is strict and my mum and sis get diverted into a changing room where additional clothes are provided to comply with the dress code.

Boleh Pinjam Lighter ?

Okay ... The Palace Is A Blue Screen

After that it's off to Jatujak market where it's just fabulous - huge rows of shops and traders selling everything from t-shirts to handicraft to home stuff to beads to the whole works.

VietCong Central : Communist Merchandise On Sale

Tarot Card Readings

Alcoholic Coffee Stall

After hours of exhaustive walking, we head to Big C for dinner where I realise how good looking Thai people are - their features and much refined and their presentable in appearance. Such lovely people. Land of Nice Toned Skin. Deep down my hormones are raging for Miss Apple.

I head back to the hotel for a swim (I choose to avoid the TV) but to my shock, the Thai kids and their dad are splashing water again. I find out that today their playing "My Futha Is A Turtle." Sigh. We get another mission briefing that tomorrow Miss Apple is taking us to the floating market and wood carving factory.

Day 3 : Marketing
We again wake up early, earlier than the last few days for more bacon and to reunite with Miss Apple. She takes us 150 km out to the old city capital where we get on boats and check out the floating market. Again I realise even petty traders here wear makeup and the kampung Thai chiks are so hawt. Fruits, food and handicraft are being sold.

Maintain Sunglass Cool Factor

Colours of the Market

We head on down to the wood carving factory where everything is quoted in USD.

Freaky Doll with Freaky Drink Gets Her Own Chair

And then it's off for lunch with the other fellow Malaysian refugees where we start comparing how much everyone paid for the holiday package. It turns ugly as we start to realise we paid the most compared to everyone else. Fueled with anger, jealousy and Malaysian kiasuisme, the boyband quickly falls apart and we're going seperate directions vying never to meet again esp at the airport tomorrow. We go shopping at MBK where I pickup some mean tshirts and stuff for lovers back home. Deep down Miss Apple is still saying cute things to me in my head, like "baby want to get on a real tour ?"

Dunkin Devils Have Their Halloween Tentacles Out

Anyhoo, it is 6PM and already dark by the time we're done, and we head back to explore the area near our hotel. After authentic Thai dinner and picking up a silk tailor made shirt for RM60, I check out the pool again. To my pleasant surprise, it's empty and I get to do my rounds. But not so soon after, the Thai fat stacks are back and they jump into the pool. The father quickly announces the theme of today's games : "My Futha Is An Inconsiderate Lamer Dolphin." Sigh.

Day 4 : Smiles No More
In so soon, I have to leave Bangkok at 12PM and we still insist on last minute shopping - sunglasses, clothes, handicraft, we're doing it. My dad chooses to check the hotel bills in my presence and a moment of intense suspense follows as the receptionist asks for our room number and stares at the screen. Then looks at us. Stares at the screen again. Then looks at me. Then gives a sinister smile. My brain already prepares "But dad, they didn't say it was PayTV!!!" defense. But as it turns out, there were no bills. Well why didn't they mention it earlier. I guess there was a confirmation screen after all.

A View From The Top Floor

And it's off to airport where we meet some of my mum's colleagues (doctors) who insist that their conference went great but didn't get any proceedings or forgot what the conference was about. Also strange how they were wearing beach shorts, smiling a lot, but walked slowly and refused to sit down for some reason.

From then on, we bid byebye to Land of Lots Of Roasted Pork On Streetside Stalls and this time, I get an orchid from the stewardess.

Good on board behaviour pays off well and I display my orchid to everyone as the rest of the passengers look at me with envy. Haha.

Later my dad points out that only women get it.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Chaos In Hell

simonsta! says:
Super Ego! says:
Super Ego! says:
you posted already?
simonsta! says:
simonsta! says:
not yet
simonsta! says:
busy lah
Super Ego! says:
extreme disappointment. I got connected for the sake of checking out your blog leh
simonsta! says:
hehe i'm sorry
simonsta! says:
i didnt know it was like drugs
simonsta! says:
it takes effort
simonsta! says:
be patient
Super Ego! says:
ok lor...
simonsta! says:
so when do us tart teaching
simonsta! says:
or have u
Super Ego! says:
last week
Super Ego! says:
this week second lesson
Super Ego! says:
Read this. In heaven, the cooks are french, the mechanics are german, the lovers are italian, the police are british and it's all organized by the swiss.
Super Ego! says:
In hell, the cooks are british, the mechanics are french, the lovers are swiss, the police are german and it's all organziaed by the italian
simonsta! says:
simonsta! says:
like the mafia
simonsta! says:
i want to blog this
Super Ego! says:
heh heh

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

When Orphanages Turn Into A Business

I get to listen to at least 5 minutes of radio everytime I get into the car before I start fumbling for my music player. There have been some close calls with road crashes just coz I need my player like a druggie needs his fix.

Anyhoo I caught a glimpse of 5 minutes of commercial audio today, where callers were giving opinions to the morning show hosts on how to make a buka puasa session more interpesting. Well, one of the callers suggested that kids from an orphanage or charity home can come along for the buka puasa and party together with the DJs and listeners.

Want to vomit.

It makes me start to wonder now.

Orphanages are always the excuse for charity.

It's almost synonymous.

Whenever a company needs to boost it's public profile, whenever a service club like Interact or Rotaract want to do something for the community, or an incentive to throw an event or concert (certain % of ticket sales is given to charity) is needed, no hassle, we've got the orphanage to handle it. After all their constantly potrayed as the willing receiver.

No objections of course but think about the orphans themselves.

Maybe it's not cash they need.

Everytime a donation is made, or an event is held in which the orphanage will benefit, the kids have to show up to receive the cheque, buka puasa, smile for the cameras, perform something, play sports, do eye test, yada yada.

Do we even remember that these kids are regular kids who, in the first place, are in the orphanage to pursue a proper education like how peers their age are doing ? Maybe they should just go to school instead of doing PR work ? Are we helping to make it easier for these silent victims of circumstances to fit into society or are we constantly reminding them of who they are by parading them in public ?

I don't know. It's a busy schedule. Such glam lives they must lead. I hear there are rotation batches for which group of kids take turn to "party" at each event. Performance rehearasals, dressing up, getting into the van, there's always some place to go all the time, such itenary, bookings. Somebody's always giving away donations, we sure ain't gonn reject it, but we have to give face and show up. Smile for the cameras so that the press can provide coverage for the doners.

So imagine the management of the orphanage then. The scheduling, making sure the kids are presentable, having facts handy for speeches, co-ordinating the children, coming up with new performances, telling the press how lovely the doners are. Must have a template for that speech by now. We thank Simon Lee for his generous donations that will improve the lives of the children. And on top of that, their duties are to care for the kids. And this is still idealistic, it does sound like there is room for money siphening, say if I was an evil manager.

On the flipside, kids do need to get out.

But I disagree with the parading.

It's the age old issue of how we give away our money because thats the most we're willing to compromise on our comfort levels and we make ourselves feel better because we have done more than nothing. Yet it's like trying to fulfill a rich man's loneliness. "Sad ? Give you money k ? What else do you want ? Not bad already what, money's hard to come by. I helped you already, better than nothing." Right problem, wrong solution.

Well, want to do charity, just collect the money and go over to the orphanage and present the cheque. No need to publiscize live telecast web streaming SMS Faces Magazine and stuff. If you think it leaves room for abuse, then get a signed agreement letter beforehand between the to-be-doner and beneficiary stating how much or how many percentage of total sales of something and get it checked by accountants (or use a third party to carry out the transaction) ? After that, go ahead with the event or whatever then can send the cheque over. Officeboy also can do it for you. The charity organisation can then acknowledge, Press can cover the event in a small heading somewhere, please do mention how the kids' lives will improve specifically (the money goes to new bicycles / I get to pocket the money so if I am happy the kids are happy).

After all, doesn't mean even tho the kids show up at the event the cheque will clear.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Can They Match Up ?

It's obvious who these people are trying to be.
Will you buy it ?